Relationships and Attachment
Understanding the patterns that can make relationships feel harder than they need to.
Relationships can bring some of our deepest vulnerabilities to the surface.
You might find yourself overthinking someone's behaviour, needing reassurance, worrying about being rejected or abandoned, or becoming caught up in whether someone is choosing you. You might keep finding yourself in similar relationships, even when you know the pattern isn't working for you.
Counselling can give you space to look beneath what is happening and become curious about the patterns shaping the way you relate to others.
Why do I keep doing this?
The way we experience relationships doesn't develop in isolation. Our early relationships, past experiences, temperament, self-worth and attachment patterns can all influence what feels safe, threatening or familiar to us now.
Sometimes this can look like:
overthinking texts, conversations or changes in someone's behaviour
feeling particularly sensitive to rejection or distance
needing reassurance but finding that reassurance never quite lasts
becoming very invested in being chosen or wanted
finding yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable people
losing sight of your own needs once you're attached to someone
struggling to leave relationships you know aren't right for you
repeating similar relationship dynamics
questioning whether your reactions are reasonable or whether you're "too sensitive"
Understanding these patterns isn't about blaming your childhood, diagnosing yourself with an attachment style or deciding that something is wrong with you.
It's about becoming more aware of what happens for you in relationships, where those responses may come from, and whether they're still serving you.
Moving from “Do they want me?” to “Do I want this?”
When we fear losing someone, it can become very easy to focus on whether they like us, want us or are going to stay.
There can be much less space left for another important question:
Do I actually like how I feel in this relationship?
Counselling can help you shift some of the attention back towards yourself: what you need, what you value, what feels respectful and safe to you, and what kind of relationship you actually want to be part of.
The aim isn't to become perfectly secure or never feel anxious in a relationship again.
It's to understand yourself more deeply so that you have more choice in how you respond, who you choose and what you're willing to accept.
Relationship counselling at Kyma
My approach is depth-oriented and grounded in curiosity rather than judgement. We'll look at what is happening in your relationships now while also exploring the experiences and patterns that may sit underneath them.
This work can be useful whether you're single, dating, navigating a relationship or trying to make sense of one that has ended.
Kyma offers individual counselling for adults in Sydney and online.
If you'd like to see whether working together feels right, you can book a free 15-minute introductory call.